blanking
things are a little bit agro in my mind these days...something i don't really want, but someone i live with has gone completely over my acceptable behaviour threshold, i just walked passed him in the corridor and he said hey, i said nothing, i think he then said something like orgasmcurious is blanking me to his partner, spanish M, hoping by mentioning it in my presence to get me to talk i guess...?
anyway, i'm not ready... i know that the way out of this situation is to talk but i'm in no hurry to do so...
i don't want to go into the in's and out's of it here, just to say that it troubles me, to live with someone who has gone over that threshold but who makes no apology or acknowledgement of it... maybe doesn't even know... i don't want to carry around hate, the knowledge that he has treated me in a disrespectful way eats at me, is hard to ignore, but i want to live my life in love... this is my challenge...
an it coincides with me blanking this here blog... haven for my sexual and frank thoughts... it's been over a month since i last posted and this is rubbish... every now and then i will get a visitor to my other blog from here and it reminds me that this place exists... last night i got a comment from my last post here...
so here i am..
6 months ago today me & my G first kissed... under a duvet that i'd pulled across us... ah... GG... under a duvet i said to her... we'd been watching night of the living dead together...
thankfully, in contrast to my wierd agro attitude to that man i alluded to above, my relationship with G is fantastic and loving... last saturday we'd been officially boyfriend and girlfriend for 3 months, this saturday the unofficial 6 months... like the queen having two birthdays, we have two anniversaries...
today i went out and bought her flowers, something i haven't done until now, and she reminds me that no man has ever bought her flowers... afew weeks ago i was drunk and stoned in bed with her, farting hugely & regularly, suffering because of this and because she'd bought herself flowers and i still hadn't...
i don't come everytime we have sex, we went from having protected sex to unprotected sex since the last time i posted here and i think the shift was a little tricky for me... of course, before it happened i assumed it would just be great... easy... in reality i had real trouble coming... perhaps because i was overcompensating for how much easier it is to come without the condom to slow it down...
anyway, it's settled down pretty much now and i come maybe every third fuck... this week we fucked a fair few times and i didn't come at all until yesterday and then yesterday i came twice in one day... firstly in the afternoon, a spontaneous fuck that came from nowhere... a real, pure, full orgasm as well, not the cut off kind that i get sometimes...
then in the night she sucked my cock in that determined/stubborn way of hers and she made me come again...
in fact i think i hear her coming in from work, although it would be early if it was her... she's meant to be going for drinks after work...
i want to see her face when she sees the flowers...
x
so this is my life at the moment, full on love and shady distrust... strange mix... oh and i'm writing quite a lot of music/lyrics right now too...
x
posted by orgasm curious @ 11:14 PM
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