jealousy
she has it bad...it seems her ex treated her bad & cheated on her, leaving some dirty water in the way she expects men to behave...
and when me & her were just beginning, neither of us admitting to taking it seriously, i was flirting with someone else who i met on the internet, a poet...
once me & my now girlfriend started getting more serious i stopped seeing the pote, nothing had actually happened anyway, not even a real kiss...
anyway, my G has always had an understandable dislike of the poet... and she met her about a week ago, my sister was going to see the poet perform and she asked me to come, G making it right near the end...
when we got home G was in a bad space, upset, related to jealousy, so i treated her nicely, left her some space but supported her, held her, let her know that it was alright to feel like that, she shouldn't be ashamed of it...
so now she gets a message from some myspace person who invites her to a gig near us, which we go to, and in the course of the night she tells me that although she didn't really dig the music of that band she enjoyed looking at them... eye candy with guitars...
now i don't really like this... i also have a problem with jealousy... the trouble is that she thinks i have no reason to be jealous because of the situations i put her in... or rather, that i somehow deserve it... so while she get's jealous and upset i comfort her, but when i get jealous and upset she doesn't even begin to comfort me...
this jealousy thing bit me last night and i'm still under it's spell, bitter fantasies as i cycle to work, extended into fantasies where i leave her because she's had an affair... horrible stuff, and i won't be seeing her tonight... she left a note for me which i read when i got in, a lovely note that i didn't want to read, i was so wrapped up in my destructive mind...
jealousy...
bullshit...
x
posted by orgasm curious @ 10:31 PM
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