pornographic thoughts
oh long neglected blog...what can i say?
being in a relationship...
so three things...
firstly a strange shift in my relationship with my girlfriend... for a little while a week or so ago i was having trouble getting an erection, not always, but sometimes...
a complicated business, not helped by a desire to please her and therefore more internal pressure to get hard which just gets in the way,
anyway, even though she's on the pill she told me that she's pregnant, and she's going to have an abortion, but that this has signalled a change in her attitude to having children, she has previously been dead against having kids, something which has been at odds with my desire to procreate,
my attitude has been that she's young (24) and that with time she may come round to the idea...
well the thought of this potential life that we're going to cut short has made her realise that she's moved a little in relation to having children, she can imagine it now...
and this seems to have largely cleared my erection troubles... strange world my head is...
2nd thing, at a readthrough of a play i'm doing music for this morning and internet porn is mentioned... my girlfriend is at work and won't be back now until 11 tonight... i get home and just that mention is enough to fire up this computer and seek out some pornography, a quick stroke and orgasm... porn itself probably not a good thing in the fight to keep my cock hard for my girl but there it is, and it's such a rare thing nowadays... hence why i bring it up...
and finally G gets back from america today and tells me a story about him & T in this house, she invites him to her room (before he went away) and asks him to blindfold her and touch her... this is such an erotic image for me... a few days later they have sex all night... then he goes away for a couple of weeks, now that he's back she's away for a month, when she gets back he'll be away for a month...
i think it's partly because i wanked only an hour or so before this conversation and that erotic, forbidden part of my brain is working already... but also because of a fantasy i had just before me & my girl got together that me, G & T would all fuck...
now they're at it... rich erotic fantasies if i choose to go there...
but as to whether i will choose to, fidelity to my girl in my mind...
an interesting thing actually, and part of the problem with my attitude to fucking her had been that sometimes i would think about other women, or pornographic thoughts in general while fucking her, in order to come... coming has often been hard for me, not only with my current beautiful woman... so i'd be fucking her hard, but in my mind i'd be away from her...
this is why in general i think porn is damaging to my sex... i think i've been able to move things in my mind and now when i fuck her i'm more truly there, fucking this beautiful woman... but it concerns me... maybe it's a scared reaction to being in a long term relationship...
ok... one more thing... the fourth of you will...
me & my girl went out a few weeks ago to a swanky restaurant in town, very expensive, very nice indeed... me in my suit, her in a fantastic dress...
i came back from the loo at one point and i said to her that the toilets are so great i think we should have sex in them... well the ladies and the gents are very close together and i'm not wearing any knickers so... was her reply...
no trouble with my erection that day as we stole into a cubicle in the ladies and she sucked me before bending over the toilet while i fucked her hard from behind...
x
posted by orgasm curious @ 3:38 PM
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