occasionally sexually honest

but never sexually dishonest

so hey... the name changed...

maybe i should change the look too...

i've got a little while before the 2nd birthday,

sorry i've been so neglectful of this blog, my about pretty much says it, i'm in a relationship and maybe it feels a little dishonest to my girl occupying this place... that's not quite it but it's near...

i used to read whore blogs but i've fallen out of that habit, meaning no disrespect to the beautiful & intelligent women i used to read, nor to whomever reads them still,

but you know how it goes, one minute you're reading everything she writes, throwing a queenie strop when she takes you off her blogroll...

the next minute you haven't read her for awhile and it's starting to mount up, what you'd have to read to be as completely up-to-date as you once were, you're in a relationship and somehow that's mixed in with it..

and i love how once it's popped into your mind you may well pick up that habit again... check out how i rename this blog and suddenly i've loads to say...

so to the meat...

this belongs entirely within the paranoia about being cheating on section which is in a small part fuelled by a petty desire to tell her that i knew... in that possible future in which she actually was cheating on me and i kicked her to the curb...

so i began a song in my mind tonight entitled who did you put that sparkly dress on for?... it's a blues, or at least it sure the fuck follows the blues tradition, the battle of the sexes, the fear of being cheated on fueling mysoginy, or something like mysoginy, (whic i don't know how to spell)...

mysoginy being an interesting place for me, loving women as i do, i hope i could never occupy that place but the blues sure tastes of it, and in some way the blues carries out a necessary function in our human world because of that,

it's a male dominated world yes, but women sing the blues too and sometimes we all need to hate the oposite sex for a little while...

i was putting her to bed tonight, kissing her, holding her, letting her know that i love her even as i choose to sleep separately from her... and i was looking at the pink venus demilo by her bed that i'd woken up to a week ago and had acted in my dreams and i realised that a part of me was preparing to mourn our relationship...

i so fucking hope that this preparation is so much smoke that is blown away... not needed...

she came home last night, which was the 1st time in... weeks that i slept without her, and she was beautiful towards me... sucked me to the best orgasm i'd had for quite some time, brought me food because i was hungry, having run out of money the day before and starved myself working for almost 12 hours...

stroked my weary head...

because we'd talked the night before about us, about the forbidden subject of what dark thing hovers over her that she won't share with me...

and i'd told her that this not knowing fuels my paranoia...

so she was treating me beautifully because she was sorry and some part of me believes that she has something else to be sorry about...

i sure the fuck hope that part of me is wrong...

and i guess i'm interested in what i would do if i found out she was cheating on me...

kick her to the curb is what my ego says...

it seems dangerous to even think about it, and i don't want that possible future to be encouraged by the mental energy that i'm giving it, but you know this whole paranoia about being cheating on section could just be so much seatbelt material before i push down on the accelerator...

the perfect subject for this blog because i don't want anyone in my physical life to read this, but i need to say it...

x

posted by orgasm curious @ 3:53 AM